Possessed by your possessions

Our "stuff" from home was delivered on August 1.

I left for Taiwan on May 1 and during that time, lived with the following key possessions:

• 4 T-shirts
• 5 combos of khaki pants/oxford shirts
• Useless heart rate monitor watch (forgot the necessary chest strap)
• Useless digital camera (forgot the proprietary cable)
• Laptop
• Atlanta Braves baseball hat (nobody wears baseball caps here unless it's a mesh trucker hat that says "GROPER" on it)
• Deodorant
• GPS

Since arriving, I had acquired two key things:

• 2005 Suzuki Swift
• Ikea Malm bed, 1 sheet, 1 quilt, 2 pillows

As Shirley was still living in the States for a while we decided that we'd wait until June to pack everything up. The shipping company loaded up a 20' cargo container of belongings from our house and sent it on its way with an estimated 6 week delivery time. For several weeks I lived in the new apartment with really nothing other than a bed and toiletries. Then the morning of August 1 came.

My experience is Taiwanese are never on-time, unless, they have a task to do, after which they are free to go, in which case they will be obnoxiously early, which, I guess, qualifies as NOT on-time. It was no surprise that well before 9AM the phone rang and it was the delivery crew. David, the boss, introduced himself and we maintained a serialized list of all the stuff that was packed. The agreement was that they would bring all the boxes into the apartment, unbox whatever we wanted, stick it somewhere, and remove the packing materials. Our apartment quickly went from empty and stark to this huge mess.

We didn't even send half our stuff. Some was given away, some sold, and the rest donated to charity, which is probably not at all a charitable act as I could just imagine what they'll have to do with some of that junk. Some critical items which I have so uncovered in the rubble:

• Belgian waffle maker
• raclette maker
• George Foreman BBQ grill
• poker chips
• 5 picnic/beach chairs
• plates, bowls, mugs, etc. service for 37
• enough female garments to clothe Detroit
• boxes and boxes of tampons (most scarce item in all of Taiwan)

We're stuck in a chicken/egg situation, we need to clean but have no room to clean. We also have only one closet in our apartment; most places in Taiwan have a freestanding wardrobe unlike the closet-in-every-room approach in the U.S. Having struggled with only 4 t-shirts for several months in the Taiwan summer, I was eager to resolve the clothing situation so we set out to Ikea to get those wardrobes with all the fancy storage drawers in them. Our marriage survived the assembly process and this got us over the hump to make some space.

We stayed focused on only purchasing only things which enhance storage space so we went to Piin this weekend and took advantage of a Father's Day sale. Father's Day in Taiwan is 8-8 because of the phonetics of 8-8 being "baa-baa" in Mandarin like "pa-pa". Oh, my company gave all the guys free movie tickets for Father's Day, haven't used them yet. Piin is like the Pottery Barn of Taiwan but with an Asian slant. We've quickly grown to love the place and ordered up a bookshelf, desk, entertainment center and coffee table, all with storage compartments. Pit stopped at Ikea to get a utility shelf for the balcony. I built it up in the living room and then realized that I had to take it apart to get it on to the balcony. Oops.

We've made a lot of progress this week, but it still looks like the place was ransacked. At least the bedroom is squared away. Also a key item we bought just before leaving the States is a Roomba. We only have it patrolling the bedroom for now but so far, it's awesome. The rest of the apartment is way too filthy. I would expect to come home to find a pile of melted plastic and some gears and springs scattered about.

Shirley has been talking about doing some clothing shopping now that we have some storage space. Considering that the guest bedroom is piled high with clothing,  I'm looking for a Goodwill box that says "Detroit or Bust" on the side. With that said, the other day I blurted out, "Since we have a gas stove, I want to get a wok". Shirley said, if we get a wok, something else has to go. I think that's a good policy, like a Conservation Law of Crap.

Preparing for the big one

Taiwan is no stranger to natural disasters with its proximity to the Ring of Fire and the typhoon season in the summer. Right before I left the US there was a massive mudslide across highway 3 that killed some motorists. People at work told me I was absolutely crazy for going to Taiwan. I put this photo up in my cubicle with arrow pointing to my fictitious "new apartment" on one side and fictitious, "Taiwan office" pointed out on the other. They got a big kick out of that.

We are apparently in the middle of typhoon season now which lasts through September, maybe into October, but no sign of a storm yet. I'm kinda hoping for one as we have this monstrous pile of boxes that need to be unpacked at the apartments and being holed up for 48 hours might be the only fix for that.

I've always wanted to be in an earthquake, but not the kind where the building collapses on top of you. The other kind, where the place just shakes and your colleagues have a panic stricken look on their faces and you cackle hysterically like you are insane. This is typically how I react in extreme turbulence on an airplane. I think it makes uneasy wimps freak out even more. I've always wanted to strap on my backpack and put my ski goggles and helmet on like I'm about to skydive out of the plane but post-9-11 I'd probably get jailed and/or put on the no-fly list for standing up while the fasten seat belt sign is illuminated.

They must have started construction outside my office building because every once in a while I hear a rumble and I think, "maybe this is finally going to be an earthquake!" To alleviate my confusion I installed this Android app called Earthquake! onto my phone. Whenever there is a quake, the phone rumbles and tells me where, when and magnitude. When I hear the rumble outside, and the phone rumbles, I know this is the real McCoy. I was actually in a pretty sizable earthquake at the Ambassador Hotel in Hsinchu in 2009 but didn't even feel it because the hotel must be so well built. Now I only stay in really crappy hotels so I don't miss out on the excitement, but I do miss the amazing breakfast in the atrium.

A (not so) well thought out plan day #2

Here's a better looks at the weapons of mass destruction our security crew has chosen to unleash on the suds monster. Next to the broom and dustpan is a carpet. I have no idea what the carpet is for but I'm not good at solving murder mysteries, either. Shirley, on the other hand, will watch a CSI episode, see a woman fall off a balcony in the first 30 seconds and yell out, "She was hypnotized!" and be absolutely correct (and ruin the rest of the episode for me).

Maybe the Hannibal Lechter security guard had a dead body in it and the suds involved flushing all the blood down the drain and the dustpan is to dispose of the dismembered parts. As you can see, not much of the suds has evaporated since yesterday. At this rate it will take quite some time. I think this snail could clean up the suds faster than those security guards. We saw this snail on our way home a couple nights ago; it's pretty massive, well, for a snail, which is kinda like saying "jumbo shrimp", huh?

I thought there would be no way a snail could be that far from water but Shirley corrected me that there is some sort of massive land snail. She probably saw it on a Murder She Wrote episode. If only the snail was massive enough to use that dustpan to clean up the suds...

A (not so) well thought out plan

We have 3 security guards in our building that work in shifts. They monitor the front door, handle mail and packages, and check people in/out of the fitness center, which involves handing you a safety cord to be used on the treadmill. The safety cord is tied in a not to make it even shorter making it so if your concentration lapses the slightest bit you will shut off the treadmill mid-run and go crashing off the front end of the treadmill.

One guard in particular is kind of wacky; he's always laughing demoniacally. One day he insisted Shirley and I follow him down the street so that he could show us where a breakfast place (sesame bread & soy milk) was. That was quite nice but afterwards he insisted that he show us his apartment which was right next door to our building. The inside of his apartment was about the size of our bathroom and it looked like Hannibal Lechter was the previous resident. I thought for sure he was about to chloroform us, tie us up, and kill us slowly. Instead he showed us his pirated collection of James Bond VCDs and sent us home with a stack. This was all while he was supposed to be watching the front door.

I came home from work today to find him and the evening guard in the parking basement with quite a predicament on their hands. Much of the floor was flooded with suds. There is no laundry room in our building so I could not figure out where the source of the suds was but it looked like they had a plan:

You can barely make out in the center of this photo that there is a broom and a dustpan. I don't know what they thought they would accomplish with a broom and dustpan. Talk about bringing a knife to a gunfight.

Coffee at the Cat-fe

I had noticed a place called Cafe Dogs and Cats several times when entering/exiting the Zhishan MRT station as it is right on the west side. I never thought anything of it until I read an article about the "Cat-fe" culture in Taipei whereby you eat/drink in a restaurant populated with cats. I even heard of places where you rent a cat as your table companion.

So one day I decided to walk by just to see if this was, perhaps, such a place. There is a menu outside, translated into English, and a sign saying there is a ~150NT pp minimum and a 100NT fee if you just want to come in to look. The windows are blocked out but through the seams I peeked in and, sure enough, loose cats inside.

Shirley and I were looking for a place to grab a coffee after dinner tonight and decided to swing by. We went at 9PM and there was only one other couple in there. I asked if they were closed and the apparent owner said they were open until 11 (pm) but only for drinks. I think there are mostly pasta dishes on the food menu but many choices of hot/cold coffee and tea related drinks including siphon coffee, my new favorite.

There were about 10 cats running loose in the place, 1 dog, and a mynah bird. Well, the bird was in a cage. I was once tricked by a talkative mynah into getting my hand too close to the cage and in the blink of an eye, the bird leaped forward and bit me on the webbing between my thumb and index finger. Man, that hurt for quite some time. The cats were all fancy-type cats that obviously required a lot of brushing. Tucker is a pain to maintain I couldn't imagine having 10 long haired cats to care for.

There is a roster on the table with a snapshot of each cat, its year of birth, and its name in Chinese, I think. One was translated as "Gucci", not sure why they didn't come up with English equivalents for the others like my colleagues at work: "Wesley", "Lester" and bunch of other slightly uncommon Anglo names. I had a Ghanese friend who picked the name "Harrison" after seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark as a child. I wonder if I'll ever get to take on a Chinese name. If so, I think I will choose to be named after a famous Chinese star: "Bruce".

Although the cats were somewhat aloof, they were not at all skittish. They sell cat treats and I bet that's the key to getting the cats to join you for a catpuccino (ha!) because I crinkled my sugar packet and 10 heads turned really quickly to see what I had. I approached an petted a few most didn't back away, but it's not like they were jumping on my lap.

My blue mountain coffee was quite good as was Shirley's coconut iced coffee, priced at 150/170 NT respectively, the ambiance is somewhat factored in. If you're thinking, "Geez! Where is the health department!?!? How could you possibly have a bunch of cats running around a food establishment?!?!", you probably don't live in Taiwan. Cat piss smells like a bouquet of roses compared to stinky tofu and any danger from cats being around food is nothing compared to the time I was walking down the street and someone in a makeshift parade through a belt of big firecrackers (already lit) between my legs.

If you are a cat person definitely check it out or just go for the novelty. Warning, there is no Claritin on the menu so bring your own.

(yes, that cat is real)

Test driving the dirty "socialist" health care system

I've had this small lump in my armpit for about 10 years and never had it looked at, at least not by someone with any medical credentials. I do notice that it changes size based on deoderant use, in some way shape or form. After doing some internet research years ago, I try and stay away from aluminum based deoderants. There was a product called "Crystal" that seemed to keep the lump at bay, but it did little for sweat relief.

When I first arrived in Taiwan, I thought the lump had gotten smaller, for whatever reason. Then last week it got bigger, and bigger, and then started to hurt. I hadn't really given much thought about medical care in Taiwan. I do have a National Health Insurance ID card. And I know my company has a 3rd party group insurance plan. I don't have that ID card yet, maybe I should check on that...

But I never thought about where I need to go when I have a very painful golf ball sized lump in my armpit. So I harnessed the power of Shirley's helpful HR group and came up with Dr. Kao in Tien Mu near Mitsukoshi. No appointment necessary, he's in the office Mon-Wed-Fri. I cleared my schedule in the afternoon and headed up there. It's a hundred meters or so up Lane 69 and is clearly marked on the outside; I thought for sure I'd have to walk down an alley and through a butcher shop and then give the secret knock before heading up a spiral staircase... But not the case. Maybe I'm getting too jaded about certain Taiwanese things.

The receptionist was very friends and spoke English well. She handed me a form to fill out and asked if I had a National Health Insurance card. The form was quite simple, where do you live and are you allergic to anything. I sat down and called Shirley to let her know that I was going to see the doctor and before she could even pick up the phone, Dr, Kao opened his door and called me in.

He also spoke English well and must have lived in the States for some time. You can typically  tell by the idioms that people use whether they ever lived in the U.S. I explained the situation and his eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store when I got to the part, "I have this lump in my armpit" and he was chomping at the bit to have a look. As I was slipping my arm out of my shirt he quipped, "At least we know it's not breast cancer!"

Check. No breast cancer.

Upon seeing it his diagnosis was instantaneous and I was relieved that he wasn't going to try and squeeze or poke it. He said it was an abscess caused by a bacterial infection and a cyst in my armpit. The heavy sweating in the middle of the Taiwan summer caused things to get worse as the sweat glands are blocked and next thing you know, I'm smuggling a Titleist under my arm. The plan is to treat the bacterial infection with antibiotics and leave the cyst be. We did talk about the potential of surgery to get the cyst out if the problem comes back which I honestly, wouldn't mind doing, to be rid of it once and for all.

They were able to prescribe me an oral and topical antibiotic right in the office, no trip to a pharmacy necessary. He said it would take about 3 days to see an effect. I can't wait for day 3 because on day 2, this thing is quite painful. At least it's growth appears to have been stunted. The cost of the office visit was $6 USD and the 2 prescriptions was $2, total. The cost of the NHI plan to me is about $16/month, I suspect my employer contributes a chunk, too. I spent a total 20 minutes in the office, as a walk-in.

I can only speculate that the biggest problem in the United States is the legal system. Some things in Taiwan are cheaper than in the U.S. but it is not off by an order of magnitude. I can't imagine this health care system working in the United States. Part of the magic of the Taiwan system is supposed to be the efficiencey of processing. My NHI card has a chip in it with all the necessary data and there is little to no paperwork on the part of the doctor office. They just scan the card and computers do the rest. But with all of the efficiencey in the world, think of the burden in the U.S. from the civil legal system. Can national health care become a reality without tort reform?

My visit to Dr. Kao did not unlock all of the philosophical mysteries of a national health care system nor equip me to render expert opinion on the entire scope of Taiwan's health care system, but I can at least say one thing with confidence:

"It's not a tumor!"

July Randomness

I often see something while out on the street and say, "That would make great blog material!" But it never works its way into any meaningful storyline so it ends up just a photo on my phone's memory card. So I think I will publish a monthly-ish photo album of the stuff that gets lost, but is still significant to defininig Taiwan. So here it goes:

This was at the aboriginal village amusement park near Sun Moon Lake and has to be the largest crane game I have ever seen. If they only filled the holding tank with misbehaved children, it would be a fun game to play.

This is a hot dog stand in Shi-Da. Of significance is that they consider the Chicago dog to be the staple of hot dogs which is a bit outside the mainstream even in the States. Much respect.

Shirley visiting Tucker in quarrantine. She goes 3 times per week. Fortunately, he only has another week left.

On the way to quarrantine you can pass through NTU campus and they have a small wetland sanctuary with this strange looking bird that hangs out quite close to the balcony. This old Taiwanese lady thought it would be entertaining to try and hit him with her umbrella. I wanted to throw her in but there were no crocodiles so it would be pointless. 

Here is the Taipei Truth Church. I only had to travel 10k miles to find THE church that is about truth. Phew!

This is a bratwurst and sausage shop that uses a Dachshund silhouette in their logo. Art imitating life?

An entire bakery dedicated to Hello Kitty.

Banana flavored beer. Sounds gross, actually tasted pretty good, if you like bananas. They have some other wacky fruit flavors. Will report back...

This is the end of our block. This guy keeps chickens and lets them roam free during the day. Luckily we are on the 8th floor so we don't hear the rooster in the morning.

This is the next street over. Another chicken farmer.

"Rabbit Rabbit" in Da-An is a popular western style brunch place. Some people take things too far as they were passing around a rabbit mask and taking photos of each other.

In a crowded shopping district there lies a pig pen. Not sure if this was a pet or tonight's dinner.

This was in front of an otherwise normal clothing store. The mascot's shirt says "Looking 4 Poonanie". There is an overabundance of inappropriate slogans on T-shirts and such here. One young girl working behind the counter at a breakfast shop with her father had on a shirt that said "Barely Legal". I wonder if they have any clue what half this stuff means?

There were these large sculptures in front of a corporate building. You can barely make out Shirley in the left armpit.

I have been asked to post more street food related stuff. This place has two offerings. On the left, you grab a basket and some tongs and choose from meats, vegetables and dry noodles. They weigh your basket and then cook it all up into a custom soup for you. On the right, they make a flavored pancake and then wrap it up with egg, bacon, cjheese, ham, kimchi, etc. Quite tasty!

Last but not least, "Essential Beer" from Korea. Couldn't have said it better myself.